Walking the Katana's Edge
by Jeanne M
Summary: Exactly what does the fractured personality known as Psylock think about her latest transformation?


Usual: Characters? NOT MINE. I only wish. Money? NOT MAKING ANY. Song is "No One Knows Who I Am" from the musical Jekyll and Hyde. Said musical belongs to Frank Wildhorn and Leslie Bircusse (I think) So there. I'm not sure if I like this one- result of one too many arguments at work whether or not Betsy is all there. Let me know. That said, Onwards!

  
  


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Walking the Katana's Edge

Jeanne M. 

[Sunstar80@hotmail.com][1]

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**"The point is, you see," said Ford, "that there is no point driving**

** yourself mad trying to stop yourself from going mad. You might **

**just as well give in and save your sanity for later." **

  


** - Douglas Adams****_ Life, The Universe, and Everything_.**

  
  
  
  
  
  


So many. So many changes. There are days that I marvel that I even have this much sanity left. Once, I was a natural blonde. Isn't that a funny thing to think of? Out of everything I've gone through, I remark that I was once blond. Huh. I also used to be a British blue blood. Pure aristocrat. While I still have that British mind set, it's in the body of a Japanese woman. With purple hair. She's dead. The Japanese woman. So am I, technically. She was in my body when she died. The body of Elizabeth Braddock is dead, so does that mean I'm dead? My mind is here. Well, mostly. Usually. Somedays, I wonder.

  
  


_Look at me and tell me who I am._

_Why I am,_

_What I am._

_Call me a fool and it's true, I am._

_I don't know who I am._

  
  


Elizabeth. Betsy. Psylocke. Kwannon. Revanche. Little Butterfly. So many names to choose from. It's quite overwhelming. I could pick any one of them, and no one could say I was lying. Isn't that terrible? I'm just a shadow, without a face or form to call my own. 

  
  


_It's such a shame,_

_I'm such a sham,_

_No one knows who I am._

  
  


I love this song. It's so beautiful, so lyrical. So wonderfully morbid. Warren gets upset if I put it on repeat too often. Now that I think about it, I quite enjoy the musical. A man transforms into someone else, and he dies after wreaking havoc in the lives of everyone around him. Sounds like me or Jean. No, that was wrong of me. Jean stays in one body most of the time. And she's in control. No multiple personas whispering promises of power in her skull. No psions trying to breakdown her walls and take over. No evil doppelgangger behind her eyes. Maddie is her own girl. Whoops! There I go again. Being a little bitter, Elizabeth? No. Never.

  
  


_Once there were sweet possibilities,_

_I could see,_

_Just for me._

_Now all my dreams are just memories._

_Fated never to be._

  
  


I wanted to fly around the world. I wanted to be a model. I wanted to be a hero. And look where it got me. I lost my eyes. I lost my body. I lost my mutant powers. I gained new powers. I died. A couple of times. I got a nice red tattoo. I was a pawn, and I was a queen. I know, I know. Poor little Betsy Braddock. I may not be a telepath anymore, but I can still read body language. Besides, telepaths around here have a tendency to die a lot. Xavier, Jean, Revanche, me........ telekinesis and shadow walking are actually quite safer. 

  
  


_Time's not a friend,_

_Hurrying by._

_I wonder who am I?_

  
  


I can fly now. I used to love to fly. I still do. It's so beautiful not to depend on Warren to carry me. And flying a plane is nothing compared to this. It's like comparing a Degas with a magic 8 ball. It's impossible. I still miss the intimacy of my telepathy, my own beautiful, subtle art. So delicate, so temptingly powerful. From the manifestation of my butterflies, to the sheer brutality of the psychic knife. Then there's the newest, my katana. Razor sharp and so wonderfully deadly. More graceful than any natural weapon. Each of them so enthralling. And moving through shadows...... I know how disorienting it is for the others. It feels so natural, like I've been doing it forever. As if I was always meant to travel this way. The thought of harsh light, of the absence of shadows scares me to no end. The others can't find out, I refuse to be psychoanalyzed anymore. I am me. Whoever that is. 

  
  


_Am I the face of the future?_

_Am I the face of the past?_

_Am I the one who must finish last?_

  
  


I am Psylocke. That's all there is to it. Right? Yes. I am Psylocke. I am Elizabeth. I am Elizabeth. Oh God, why me? Why anyone for that matter? I really hate being the butt of so many great cosmic jokes. Why don't you go pick on someone else for awhile? Go annoy Creed. Please? How come Brain can get lost in the time stream, and come out okay? I don't mean it that way. I love my perfect brother. Really. Tall, genius, blonde, happily married superhero who has conquered all his inner demons. What isn't there to love? Hmpf. I feel so sorry for Meggan, I hope she's learned not to let him manipulate her using her empathy. Oh, then there's Kitty 'oh, pity-me-I-dumped-my-true-love' Pryde. She used to be such a cute kid. I remember keeping her from killing herself after the Morlock incident. I like Pete Wisdom. How I know him is none of your affair. Everyone has been soothing that little girl's ego since the moment she got back. Tart. What is it they say? What goes around comes around? Well, if I deserved this, I can't wait to see what those two become. I am so sick of being stomped on, manipulated, further mutated, used, and body-switched!!!! I am tired of it! 

  
  


_Look at me and tell me who I am._

_Why I am._

_What I am._

_Will I survive, who will give a damn?_

_If nobody knows who I am._

  
  


I sound like a bloody raving lunatic. Completely out of my head. Well, I used to be out of my head at times..... but now I stay right inside my own mind thank you. It's not really my original brain biologically speaking, but the Betsy-persona is in here. Knock knock, anyone home inside? There's always someone lurking behind these eyes. Who it is, now there's the question. I wonder, did I originally have a multiple personality disorder that no one ever discovered? That might explain some of my problems. How Warren and the others keep from killing me somedays, I have no idea. How I keep from killing them........ well, that's my secret. Some of the things people around here angst about are enough to drive a girl insane. 

  
  


___Nobody knows,_

_Not even you._

_No one knows who I am._

   [1]: mailto:Sunstar80@hotmail.com



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